We often assume that fear shows up only in the big, obvious moments—standing on a stage, looking down from a cliff, or addressing a room full of angry investors. But fear can creep in quietly, even when we’re otherwise confident. Recently, I witnessed a coachee experience a transformational moment that beautifully illustrates the power of digging deeper into our fears.
He was narrating a situation from work where he was expected to present an idea to his skip manager during a meeting. His peers were also in the room, and as each person took their time talking to the senior leader, he felt his anxiety rising. His chest tightened, his breathing grew shallow, and when his turn came, he froze.
This was confusing for him. “I usually manage presentations quite well,” he shared. “But something about authority figures creates fear in me.”
That statement became the doorway to deeper exploration.
Fear of Authority – A Deeper Layer
Many of us carry a subtle fear of authority, even if we are skilled, experienced, and confident in our roles. The presence of a senior leader can trigger something primal: the fear of being judged, rejected, or diminished.
In coaching, we paused at that moment. I asked him to notice where the fear was showing up in his body. He described the tightening chest, the shallow breath, the weight in his stomach. These physical cues are not random—they are signals that our nervous system has activated an old memory of threat.
Tracing Fear Back to Its Origin
Through a guided exercise, we explored what this fear might be connected to. As he tuned inward, a memory surfaced: being a four-year-old child in class. He recalled answering a teacher’s question confidently—and being publicly belittled for it, even though he had been right.
In that moment, the child in him felt powerless, small, and humiliated. Authority was not safe; speaking up came with risk.
And decades later, in a corporate boardroom, the nervous system was still carrying that imprint.
Reframing the Story
This is where the breakthrough happened. By bringing awareness to the root cause, he was able to reframe the memory. He acknowledged:
- Back then, he was a powerless four-year-old with no control over the teacher’s reaction.
- Today, he is a professional with skills, knowledge, and influence.
- He has the power to choose how he shows up and to own his communication.
This shift from “powerless child” to “empowered adult” was profound. The fear of authority no longer felt like an invisible wall; it became a story he could rewrite.
Why Identifying the Root Matters
Many of our limiting beliefs and fears operate unconsciously. We may dismiss them as “just nerves” or “a quirk of personality.” But unless we trace them back to their roots, they continue to hijack our responses in crucial moments.
Identifying the root allows us to:
- Name the fear – and what triggers it.
- Reframe the memory – shifting from helplessness to empowerment.
- Create choice – instead of reacting automatically, we respond intentionally.
Tools to Overcome Fear and Limiting Beliefs
If you notice similar patterns in yourself—whether it’s fear of authority, fear of failure, or fear of visibility—here are some practices that can help:
- Notice the body first. Anxiety often shows up in the body before the mind catches it. Pay attention to your breath, posture, and tension points.
- Ask, “When have I felt this before?” Often, a memory from childhood or early experiences holds the key.
- Reframe the memory. Remind yourself that you were powerless then, but you have agency now.
- Anchor in the present. Ground yourself with slow breathing or by feeling your feet on the floor. It signals safety to the nervous system.
- Step into your power. Visualize yourself as the capable, resourceful person you are today—not the version of you that once felt small.
Closing Thought
Sometimes the fear we feel today isn’t really about today at all. It’s a story from long ago, still echoing in our nervous system.
The moment we uncover and reframe it, fear loosens its grip—and confidence steps in.